Networking – The take and give

Last time we discussed that networking is every interaction you have with any other person. True; as far as it goes. That discussion was about getting your message out. It was the “all about me” part of the message; getting out your message.


If everybody was standing in a room getting out their message, there would be a lot of noise, but where would that message be going? Nowhere. Everyone would be so absorbed about their needs they would not be able to pay attention to anyone else’s needs and they might miss some information that would be very useful for them. Listening is the second part of networking.

Networking involves communication. Communication in its simplest form requires a conveyer of a message, a speaker, and a receiver of the message, a listener. If you do not have those two components, you do not have communication and the purpose of networking has been defeated. The two rolls switch back and forth in a conversation.

The speaker’s job is obvious, to get the message out in a way that the listener can understand. At the very least this means a common social language. Using techno-speak on a lay person will come across to the listener as so much babble. But the listener has an important job, too. The listener needs to listen actively.

What does it mean to “listen actively?” It means that as you listen to the speaker you ask for clarifications or explanations of what the speaker is saying. You repeat back to the speaker what you have heard. When you do this the speaker becomes the listener and identifies areas that need more explanation and areas where your understanding needs to be validated. After the listener has asked his questions or repeated his understanding the original speaker returns to his role as speaker and answers the listener’s questions and validates his understanding. During this process the speaker makes his needs and desires known. The listener may be able to help him achieve these goals or offer suggestions on how he can achieve these goals or know of some way in which he can achieve these goals.

Afterwards the original listener becomes the dominant speaker and expresses his desires and needs and the process is repeated. At the end we have had a conversation and if each party has done their job well, we have an understanding of what is motivating each party and if everyone is even more fortunate we may find that we can help one another. And if we actually are able to help each other we have made that perfect connection.

The relationship may take time to develop. There may need to be many encounters before either party achieves their desired result. More than talking, people need to see you in action. How do you work? How do you respond to people when you are not “on”? In the end, if you have a message that resonates with others you will achieve your goal. Patience is the final part of networking.

Networking

Networking. what is it and how does it work?


We have “networking” groups these days and many people think that is what is meant by networking. When you are with or in these groups you are networking. As far as that goes they are correct. But it is not the only form of networking.

Actually every interaction you have with any other person, whether by word or deed, is networking. You never know how what you say or do will travel and affect someone. And you never know how far a word or action may travel.

We are social animals and, to a large extent, our survival is dependent on our interactions with one another. Some interactions are positive and some negative, but each interaction leaves behind an effect on everyone that action has touched. If we lash out negatively at someone, whether in pain, frustration, fear or anger, we can be pretty sure that will set up a chain of negative reactions to us individually and possibly to what caused us to lash out. But if we raise our vibration and look at the circumstances calmly, we may find a way to turn this internal reaction to something positive and not set up the negative chain.

Most of our interactions are neutral; neither negative nor positive. While negative experiences may stay with us for some time, positive experiences may stay with us for very short times unless they are reinforced with other, related positive experiences. Thus while a confrontation in the check-out line at the grocery store may stay with us for several hours, a pleasant interlude with the person next to us in the same line is likely to be forgotten before we get to our car.

The trick in networking is to make every encounter as positive and memorable as possible. A smile, a personal connection is a start. An exchange of business cards is reinforcement. If a need can be identified and met an additional connection is made. Enough of these interactions and a relationship is established. This may lead to a connection that helps you to build your business. This, too, is networking.

The conversations you have after making a speech are also networking activities.

Look closely at your business. Where are your ideal customers? Wherever they are is where you need to be. Will your networking activities work best in networking groups, making speeches or some other activity? Do not limit your perceptions of what constitutes networking. Just reach out and “touch” someone.

Help Wanted

Are you working too hard in your business? Are you spending too much time on the busy-ness of the business and not enough time on those activities that generate or lead to generating revenue? Are you spending so much time trying to run your business that your life has become unbalanced. You have no or very little personal life. All your efforts are geared toward your business.


If you own your own business you know that you are wearing most if not all the hats in the organization. You are probably working long hours, sitting before your computer late into the evening trying to get all the things done that you couldn’t get done during the day. You may be spending less and less time on those activities that generate your revenue because you just can’t get to them.

STOP!

Take a cold hard look at what you are doing. How much do you really need to do. How much of what you are doing needs to be done at all. Look at every task you do and evaluate whether it needs to be done at all. Look at all the remaining tasks and evaluate whether you really need to be doing them or could they be done by someone else. Look at your remaining tasks and evaluate them. Could they be done by someone else with just a little tweaking? After all this separation the only activities left should be those that only you can do.

Next, determine how much revenue you generate, on the average, when you are actually selling your products or services.

Now take your average revenue amount and subtract from that what it would cost you to pay an administrative assistant to do all the jobs that you just eliminated from your personal task inventory. The difference (assuming you can generate more revenue than you’d pay an assistant) is the revenue you lost by doing all those tasks yourself.

There are a lot of people who can take care of the small stuff for you. Let them. Spend your time generating revenue. Your revenues and profitability should all prosper from your decision to get some help. Bonus: You should have more time for yourself.

Questions, questions

Have you ever just sat some place with a lot of foot traffic and watched the people go by? Do you ever imagine what their lives are like; their joys and sorrows, what makes them tick? Do you ever imagine that their lives are not much different from yours but experienced differently. Are they more in tune with the Universe and their place in it? Are their insights more penetrating? Do they have insights or are they just coasting through life, never realizing that there are lessons to learn and work, soul work, that needs to be done? Do you ever wonder if at some point their lives will cross with yours and how that might happen? Do you ever wonder what that might be like?


For the most part we live our lives in an insular fashion, only letting a select few enter our circle, our space. We protect our space keeping at bay people who are “different”; people who think, act or live differently than we do. Differences intimidate us. Differences scare us. Differences make us aware that our way is not only not the only way but may not even be the “best” way. Those strangers who pass us every day reflect back the aloneness that we feel about ourselves. Or do you feel alone. Are you surrounded by people. Do these people mean any more to you than a reinforcement of how you have chosen to live; who you have chosen to be?

Do you ever wonder if you are living the life you came here to live? Does it ever cross your mind or do you just exist without thought or curiosity? Do you ever wonder if there is a purpose for you being here and now and if so what that purpose might be?

Do you ever allow yourself to sit, watching the world go by and just wonder, not directing your thoughts in any direction but letting them wander where they may. Where do you go? What do you find when you get there? Do your thoughts change your life?

When all the wondering and consideration of other people is done do you feel a restlessness inside? Do you feel like something is missing but can’t quite put a finger on it? Have you ever gotten real quiet, shutting out all of the random thoughts that constantly inhabit your mind and listened to the quiet? Have you ever let the quiet voice inside you speak when all the other voices are quiet? All the answers are there inside you. Do you listen? Do you have the courage to follow the course it asks you to set? Do you?

Realignment

It’s a curious phenomenon, when we find ourselves finding faults in others, especially faults that we’d like to “fix”, we are usually looking at faults in ourselves that need fixing. It’s true, people reflect back to us what we need to see in ourselves. Wow! What a concept!


What is even more curious is that if we recognized it and started working on our self, we would be too busy to interfere unduly in the lives of others. Then another curious thing happens. When we work on us and begin to exhibit a true change, the people around us begin to change. They can’t help it. Things that used to push our buttons, don’t push them anymore. Unconsciously, the people around us are looking for a button that is no longer there and so they are forced to make changes to meet the new situation.

What a concept, we change others by changing ourselves!

There will always be people who will try to control us, make us cry, angry, feel inferior or any number of negative emotions if we let them. They unconsciously feel that makes them superior. It doesn’t really. It just makes them more afraid. When we refuse to let ourselves succumb to these controls, the person trying to control us has to change. In my experience the change is generally an improvement, at least from my point of view. Oh, the change doesn’t happen overnight and it’s not too consistent in the beginning, but by changing yourself you are forcing the other person to learn new tricks. Interesting, change others by changing yourself; teach others, by changing yourself.

There are some who will refuse to change, to learn. They are too afraid to change their old status quo. They will probably drop out of your life. You have learned your lesson and are now moving on. They are still learning their lesson and so are stuck. Wish them well, then let them go. They have their path, you have yours.

These episodes are painful enough when it is with people who are passing through your life, but it’s much more difficult when it is someone in your life. Then we must take a harder but more compassionate look at the lessons that both they and we are learning. The lesson may be much deeper than it first appears. It may have many layers, many levels of learning to absorb. In my experience, patience is the key here, not only for the other, but for myself. In my experience, the most profound lessons are learned from the people who are in my life.

We are taught patience growing up, but it’s mostly for the other guy. We seldom practice patience with ourselves. Nor do we think often on forgiving ourselves for our mistakes and shortcomings. But it’s true, in order to truly love others, understand others and forgive others, we must love, understand and forgive ourselves; one of those Cath-22s in life.

So the next time someone really ticks you off and won’t do what you want them to do, stand back. Take a breath. Relax. Then thank them for the lesson that they were trying to teach you. Then smile as you walk away while they are frowning in confusion.

Alignment

The person who is in alignment with Purpose, who is living authentically, experiences an inner sense of knowing that he is traveling along the path that he planned. There is a certain peace in that knowing and a certain acceptance of the obstacles that are certain to come.


Traveling with purpose and authenticity does not mean that life is all “good” and that there are no challenges. There may actually be more challenges. After all this is the Earth school and we came here to learn. Sometimes the lessons may be relatively easy while with others we may be tempted to stray from the plan and take the easier road.

Most of our challenges have to do with overcoming fear. This is as true for both the person living in alignment as well as the person not living in alignment. The difference is how each of the two addresses that fear. The person living in alignment will acknowledge that fear and recognize it for what it is but then renew his faith and trust that all will turn out as it should. This does not mean that he sits passively by. He will still do his fair share of work to see that all turns out as it should.

It is the person not in alignment that experiences an even greater challenge. In his fear he may choose control. Instead of letting events unfold he may choose to control what events unfold and how they unfold. In this he may be creating more challenges for himself and withholding help from others. This does not really help him to control his fears but actually heightens them. This fear may manifest in undo concern for others and interference in their lessons. We seek to control the lives of people around us, thinking that we are helping them. But if we were to look inside we would find that in this helping we do not experience peace, nor do we have a true sense that we are right.

We are fooling ourselves. When we try to control the lives of those we know, we feel that we are exercising more control over our own. Nothing could be further from the truth. We are actually exercising less control. Instead of operating out of trust, we are operating out of fear. But we are not operating out of fear for others, we are operating out of fear for ourselves.

We must let people choose their own paths so that they may learn their own lessons. Oh, it’s all right to give them information and advice and a helping hand, but when you sensor their choices you are interfering with their life path and that creates a burden for you. Allowing people to live their lives as they choose does not mean a policy of non-interference in the sharing of knowledge, or extending a helping hand, it does mean not forcing them along a path that you consider to be the right path.

As you let others choose for themselves, you will experience a greater peace within. You can enjoy watching both their lives and your life unfold in a harmonious way. You can revel in your differences and laugh when you stumble. You can lend a hand to help them up and brush them off as you continue down your individual paths. This is operating from trust. This is operating in alignment with your purpose.

Follow That Dream?

Have you always followed your dreams? Did you dare to take the path less traveled?


Most of us have taken the safe path and stayed with the crowd. That is not a bad thing. There is safety in numbers. Well,… sort of.

The world has changed and for some that safe path no longer exists. That safely traveled path has come to an abrupt end. What do they do? For some it might be a matter of moving to the next or nearby safe path and finding a place there; again moving with the crowd.

For others there is no safe path. For some there may be no path at all. What do they do? Where do they turn?

For many years people turned to Corporate America to supply the safe jobs; jobs that would be there day after day, year after year until it was time to retire and then they would supply good safe retirement plans and pensions. Those jobs are not so safe anymore. The Corporations are too tied to their quarterly earnings; to keeping their stockholders happy. The stockholders are strongly committed to continuous and continuing profits and rising profit margins. Business thinking today is more short term than long term. Oh yes, I know, there are some exceptions to that. But they are becoming fewer and fewer.

Safety, for what it’s worth, may be in the smaller, privately held or employee held companies or boutique shops. But even these shops will not fit all people. So…what will they do?

Are you one of those people; the ones who don’t seem to fit in. Maybe when you were let go you experienced a moment of extreme euphoria, as if you had been released from prison. Oh, yes, your next thought may have been: “What comes next?” But for one bright shiny moment you felt free, gloriously, giddily free. How could that be? Maybe if you are still unemployed you have found that answer. Could it be that you were not meant to travel with the crowd? Could it be you really don’t fit in with the pack?

What were those dreams you had? What were those aspirations? Are they achievable today? Would they be achievable with some small adjustments?

Perhaps the work you were doing was what you enjoyed. Maybe the work gave you purpose and a sense of achievement. If that is the case and working in Corporate America is no longer viable and the smaller private enterprises are also out, you might consider starting your own business. Have you looked into what it would take? How it would be financed. Do you have what it takes to work on your own or head up a new enterprise? Could you do it? Would you do it?

Maybe all the doors to what you were doing are closed. Frankly the idea of doing what you did all your professional life is giving you nightmares. Can you turn to your earlier dreams for an answer? Can you dare to start over? Can you dare to forge your own path? Are you free and do you have the courage and ability to be the authentic you? Do you have the courage to succeed on your own terms? You now have the freedom to choose, perhaps for the first time in your life. It’s scary. No doubt. There is the chance that things will not work out. But positive attitude and a belief that the Universe will provide as long as you do your part may get you through.

It’s a thought. Can you do it? Will you do it?