Networking – The take and give

Last time we discussed that networking is every interaction you have with any other person. True; as far as it goes. That discussion was about getting your message out. It was the “all about me” part of the message; getting out your message.


If everybody was standing in a room getting out their message, there would be a lot of noise, but where would that message be going? Nowhere. Everyone would be so absorbed about their needs they would not be able to pay attention to anyone else’s needs and they might miss some information that would be very useful for them. Listening is the second part of networking.

Networking involves communication. Communication in its simplest form requires a conveyer of a message, a speaker, and a receiver of the message, a listener. If you do not have those two components, you do not have communication and the purpose of networking has been defeated. The two rolls switch back and forth in a conversation.

The speaker’s job is obvious, to get the message out in a way that the listener can understand. At the very least this means a common social language. Using techno-speak on a lay person will come across to the listener as so much babble. But the listener has an important job, too. The listener needs to listen actively.

What does it mean to “listen actively?” It means that as you listen to the speaker you ask for clarifications or explanations of what the speaker is saying. You repeat back to the speaker what you have heard. When you do this the speaker becomes the listener and identifies areas that need more explanation and areas where your understanding needs to be validated. After the listener has asked his questions or repeated his understanding the original speaker returns to his role as speaker and answers the listener’s questions and validates his understanding. During this process the speaker makes his needs and desires known. The listener may be able to help him achieve these goals or offer suggestions on how he can achieve these goals or know of some way in which he can achieve these goals.

Afterwards the original listener becomes the dominant speaker and expresses his desires and needs and the process is repeated. At the end we have had a conversation and if each party has done their job well, we have an understanding of what is motivating each party and if everyone is even more fortunate we may find that we can help one another. And if we actually are able to help each other we have made that perfect connection.

The relationship may take time to develop. There may need to be many encounters before either party achieves their desired result. More than talking, people need to see you in action. How do you work? How do you respond to people when you are not “on”? In the end, if you have a message that resonates with others you will achieve your goal. Patience is the final part of networking.